Why I’m not an astronaut

Could I just get one thing clear? I’m not an astronaut. And I’m mad about it.

I was two years old when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon and I grew up in the certainty that space travel would be commonplace by 2000 AD. It’s 2014 now and we seem to be no closer. The recent crash of Virgin Galactic’s Enterprise might leave us feeling negative about the future of commercial spaceflight but CEO George T. Whitesides said that his team is working “with heightened resolve. Our will is indefatigable, and our team is determined.”

Nobody’s giving up on this dream. It just turned out to be much harder than we thought it would be.

Imagine me, aged 10. Florida. Cape Canaveral. Cape Canaveral! Imagine me in my silver suit and backpack. I looked amazing. I walked onto the spacecraft, photographer click click clicking; my family pretending to cry in the knowledge that they’d never see me again. I strapped myself in, a routine I’d practised hundreds of times. Two hours of pre-flight checks and then finally, the countdown! 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – and then silence. I waited a long time until eventually I said “Ground Control. What’s happening?” “We’ve got to go in for dinner!”, my sister shouted as she ran into the kitchen.

Even in my imagination I couldn’t get into space.

I always wanted to be an astronaut but it isn’t easy. It takes intelligence, fitness and an obsession with the film 2001 A Space Odyssey. I think I’ve left it too late to go the professional route.

So how could I get up there? The first space tourist paid $20 million in 2001 for an eight-day holiday aboard the International Space Station. I don’t think that’s an option for me.

Bigelow Aerospace have been building a hotel in space. It’s called Bigelow Space Station Alpha. $50 million gets you a flight and accommodation for 2 months.

A company called Space Adventures is selling a flight around the moon, trips to the ISS and suborbital flights. There are no published prices, but believe me, if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. It’s these suborbital flights that are the most affordable, at $250,000 for a one-way ticket.

XCOR Aerospace will take you up for a mere $95,000 but World View Enterprises beat this with their space balloon. A seat costs $75,000.

But the cheapest way to get to space? The Mars One Foundation will take you for free in 2024. The catch is that you won’t be coming back. They are planning on taking four people every 2 years. 200,000 people have applied so far but I’m not one of them.

I’m still hoping though, that one day I’ll get to look out of my window and see our world, with its storms and seas and forests. With its problems and bodged solutions and pain and laughter.

The more we can look back at our planet, see how small we are in a near infinite universe, the more of a feeling of togetherness we will have as we realise our loneliness in the vastness of space.